Everyday I have to battle negative thoughts and more often than not there's no real reason for it. Sometimes I get so involved in soothing my panicked mind that I forget to live my life. I forget my responsibilities and just cry. That's been happening for the past few months.
I am currently not attending college. It's my dirty academic secret. I've spent months beating myself up over being too weak to handle being overwhelmed with everything in my life. College graduates have to be strong, exhausted but strong. They have to push past every breakup, every professor calling them out in class, every minute they want to give up and never think about midterms again. Make no mistake, I am not a college graduate. And I thought for so long that because I couldn't push anymore and couldn't finance my education that I was not worthy of having a degree.
I kept thinking that if I didn't write about what's bothering me, maybe it wouldn't be true. But if I want to be better, I need to write about these things. I shouldn't be ashamed anymore.
So the lesson for today and everyday is to leave my head when I'm stressed. Turning inward is no longer effective for me. At this point, I'm tired of self destructing.