Step 12: Stop the Denial

As I've discovered within the last few years and wrote about in one of my lost journals, I can talk myself in and out of everything. Where I want to go, who I want to sleep with and what clothing I choose to avoid are all subjects up for debate. Usually I end up running from the choices that force me to be honest and bold. Sometimes I am the princess of disallowance. I'm sure the queen is running away from her fears quicker than me.

While I'm sprinting away from attention seeking choices, I also leave my embarrassed truths in the dust. I have depression. I just want that statement to stand alone for a bit. Like me in my thoughts! (Cue the fake laughter.)

Because of this pesky mental illness, normal every day life can get difficult for me out of nowhere. Between major breakdowns, I can trick myself into believing that it's gone. I can come out of my shell and live again. Unfortunately it always comes back. When it does, I beat myself up for letting it back in as if I have a choice.

I'm aware of how unhealthy this cycle is. Not just with depression but with running from my problems in general. Fear is normal but I refuse to keep letting it win. So the lesson for today is to admit when you're running. It's a good step for growing into a better person. Unless you want to stay stagnant. Then we can't be friends.

Evon Williams

Washington, DC

Lover. Writer. Freelancer. Emotional and Mental Growth enthusiast. Sex Positive Supporter.

You can find me @goddessevon on most social media sites.