Some emotions aren't inherently bad. Sit back down. Don't click away. I'm not bullshitting you. Some feelings, even the bad ones, can be turned around. Take envy. It can lead you to sabotage, to lose friends or pull your hair out. And for what? To have what this cousin or coworker has? I don't think so. At least, not all of the time.
How many times have you met someone who is where you want to be? if you're like me, you can't even remember. In college, I made a friend who inspired me to study public relations. She had the personality of a free spirit with a goal of being someone amazing. Every move she made to further her career was astonishing. And also infuriating. While she was succeeding, I was slipping through the cracks of depression and academia. I found myself acting like a hater, always wondering how she landed that internship, how did all of the professors like her, how was this so effortless.
Once we left college, I reconnected with her and found out that none of the success was easy for her. She was constantly stressed and missed our friendship. I missed it too. And from that day, I started to work harder than before.
She encouraged me to keep striving even through the jealousy. It's upsetting to realize how shitty of a friend and person I was because of a negative emotion. To prevent this from happening again, here's 4 steps to put envy in its place.
- Write a list of things that bother you about this person. Don't hold back. Include every little thing.
- Take out the items that are about you. Be honest with yourself. Are you mad at this person because of your own insecurities? Or did they actually hurt you?
- Look back at the list and see what's left. If there's anything on the list, move on to the next step. If not, you should stop and evaluate the items you took off the list.
- Address what's left with said person Try to stay as calm as possible when you speak with this person. And actually listen to their responses!
Most of the time, nothing will be left on the list. Instead take the time to talk with this person and try to see how they got where you want to be. People don't usually bite. The lesson for today is to stop letting envy get you in trouble or block a new connection.