Step 29: Go Through the Pain

But pain’s like water. It finds a way to push through any seal. There’s no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.
— Katie Kacvinsky

Pain is unavoidable. It'll show up early and be one of the most consistant feelings in your life. By the time you reach adulthood, you've been hurt often and in different ways. Do you remember the first time you fell off a bike? Probably. Or the first time you were teased? Maybe. Or even the first time you realized someone lied to you?

That last answer might sting to this day. But that should highlight just how real pain is.


The funny thing about pain is how persistent it is. It refuses to be ignored and will try to ruin the good parts of your life until you deal with it. Think of it as an enraged younger sibling that can't let go of the time you ate their Oreos. They'll embarrass you in front of the person you like. They'll blow a misunderstanding out of proportion and get you in trouble with your parents. They might even make you feel guilty for being their sibling.

You'll complain to anyone who will listen about your experiences with this torturous little person but the question you'll probably hear is: Did you ever talk to them? Did you ever try to understand why they're pouring mustard on all your favorite clothes? When it's a person, yeah you probably will. But when it's a growing feeling inside you, you don't. You push it away. You rationalize it by explaining how long it's been there and how much it hurts and how hard it is to deal with. Or you try to speed past it.

The lesson for today is to stand in your pain. (Someone tell Heyfranhey I used her phrase.) You can't skip the pain. You also can't skip the process. No matter how long it takes, now matter how uncomfortable you feel, you have to acknowledge the pain and take the steps to evict it from your heart. That may mean therapy. That may mean forgiving yourself and the person who wronged you. That may mean letting go of an ideal you've held close to you. Every process is different but it's necessary. It may take years of work. But if you don't take care of it, it'll go on terrorizing you.

Evon Williams

Lover. Writer. Freelancer. Emotional and Mental Growth enthusiast. Sex Positive Supporter.

You can find me @goddessevon on most social media sites.