I've learned that this shit is real.
If someone would have told me that I would be in a completely different city trying to juggle my home life and my budding career all before finishing college, I would have walked away. Just shaking my head and letting out an annoying laugh while I walk away. Well imaginary person, you were right! And I was rude to let that sound out of my mouth.
Throughout the summer, I had been seeing a therapist. Because there is a super black woman complex, I was ashamed that I couldn't just pray, take a nap and do what I needed to do. However after many strong suggestions and sleep deprived nights, I got into an Uber and sat down on that comfy couch to cry in front of a stranger.
On my quest for success of every kind, I get bombarded with advice on how to achieve it. One of the main ones is to make good habits. By good habits, they mean doing uncomfortable, hard things repeatedly until it becomes second nature. That doesn't mean you'll like those awful things over time. No one likes being responsible. And if they do, they are usually devoid of spontaneity even in the smallest sense. It just means you'll appreciate the success when you get it.