You were eager like I used to be. 16 was the time of overindulging and man did I! I was addicted to having someone on my arm.
You will not make me feel bad for choosing myself. You can no longer have that power over me. You haven’t earned it and I’m tired of handing it over to you. You cannot ransom my time and happiness to alleviate your sorrows. My shoulders are too sore for doing it for so long.
You cannot use your maladjusted feelings for other family members to make me do your bidding. I will not be on anyone’s side. Everyone is wrong but no one wants to right the situations. It is no longer my job to do so.
I refuse to fix you. I refuse to fix you. I refuse to fix you.
While the guilt is strong in me, it will no longer bend to you. I will not bend to you. I have a responsibility to myself and to what I build. If you want to be apart of that, make the steps. Come out of your comfort zone the way I’ve always had to. If that is too much for you to even imagine, keep your desires away from me.
Your selfishness is no longer welcome here.
The woman who’s had enough
A prominent memory from my adolescence was debating with boys who had it worse in life. The variables would change weekly but the point remained: someone has to lose and I'd like to know who it is. There used to be a sense of pride that would swell up whenever I would reason my opponent into submission. But after living through some colorful romantic experiences, I started wondering how that mindset molded my outlook on relationships and love.
You were the first person I wanted to make a forever with. You gave me hope that we could grow into our roles as soulmates. I actually called you my soulmate, well not to your face. I had just met you in computer class and we couldn't legally go on a field trip without permission let alone try to forge a union.