Bare with me, I have something in my heart I need to share. I don't know about you but I need to have the things that frustrate me in my life. I need lies and betrayal and adversity and disappointment and hopelessness and expectations and goals and anxiety and neurotic thoughts. Because who am I without them?
I am not positive by default. I am not brave at all times. The lie fed to me is that bravery can only exist when negativity is gone. Excuse me but that has always sat in my GI tract. Not even the strongest fluids can accept that.
Fear is a necessary emotion. To eliminate it would defeat the purpose of the positive effects. I was at my best when I was scared shitless. When I was shaking in my boots. When I was backed up against a wall. When I was lost deep in the confines of my mind with all exits locked.
So here lies fearlessness. May you rest well in the land of unicorns and unattainable expectations.
You are one of the biggest fallacies I will bury every day I draw a breath.
Don't worry, your absence will bring about a new understanding. Something I can consume with ease.
You were eager like I used to be. 16 was the time of overindulging and man did I! I was addicted to having someone on my arm.
You were the first person I wanted to make a forever with. You gave me hope that we could grow into our roles as soulmates. I actually called you my soulmate, well not to your face. I had just met you in computer class and we couldn't legally go on a field trip without permission let alone try to forge a union.
Give me commands. Clear guidelines. An itemized list of your needs.
You were exactly what I asked for. A carbon copy straight out of my mind. I should have been more careful.
When I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean we go together now. It doesn't mean I want your children. It doesn't mean I need to meet your family. I love you means I love who you are as a person. I have surpassed like and landed on love.
If you could, please disregard the previous letter left on your pillow. That has too much hubris dripping. Too much anger. Too many other emotions that negatively influenced the creation of that notice.
This is your eviction notice. Your placeholder, an unattainable musician, is helping me move your memories. Not sure where they'll go but at this point, I don't want to know.
I'm sick of the men in their feelings and not knowing how harmful and/or annoying they are with them.
You could be a better man, slay dragons, discover the greatest side of yourself. I could put you on the path of soul repair. I'm the kind of woman who makes real power players. I could be your Claire, Mr. Underwood.