I haven’t poured anything out in a while. I kept telling myself it was because I was so busy.
I don’t think that’s true anymore.
I think it’s because I am afraid of this hurricane wave of life that I know is coming.
I’m not sure if my levies will keep me from being flooded.
Questions on the state of the future are leaking through the cracks.
How do I patch them up?
With the truth?
Come on, let’s be serious.
That just makes the cracks even wider; exposing me to things I’m not braced for.
Time is not a material that I can use.
Neither is silence.
That’s almost funnier than telling the truth.
My face rebels every time I do it.
I thought by the end of this poem I would have come up with something that could shield me.
I’m realizing at this very moment that I’m not supposed to be hiding from the overwhelming water.
I’m supposed to ride it out.
You were eager like I used to be. 16 was the time of overindulging and man did I! I was addicted to having someone on my arm.
You were the first person I wanted to make a forever with. You gave me hope that we could grow into our roles as soulmates. I actually called you my soulmate, well not to your face. I had just met you in computer class and we couldn't legally go on a field trip without permission let alone try to forge a union.
Give me commands. Clear guidelines. An itemized list of your needs.
You were exactly what I asked for. A carbon copy straight out of my mind. I should have been more careful.
When I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean we go together now. It doesn't mean I want your children. It doesn't mean I need to meet your family. I love you means I love who you are as a person. I have surpassed like and landed on love.
If you could, please disregard the previous letter left on your pillow. That has too much hubris dripping. Too much anger. Too many other emotions that negatively influenced the creation of that notice.
This is your eviction notice. Your placeholder, an unattainable musician, is helping me move your memories. Not sure where they'll go but at this point, I don't want to know.
I'm sick of the men in their feelings and not knowing how harmful and/or annoying they are with them.
You could be a better man, slay dragons, discover the greatest side of yourself. I could put you on the path of soul repair. I'm the kind of woman who makes real power players. I could be your Claire, Mr. Underwood.