I'm strong without you. And it hurts that you're upset about it. You're supposed to be rooting for me. And I guess in a way you are. The way you dig deep and pull out the foundation of my trust must have been something your gardening mother taught you.
Acceptance wasn't rightfully given to you so the idea of me having it is blasphemous.
Just like shacking up.
Let's turn back the clock.
You and my father played house for so long even the state recognized it. It may not have been the traditional, by the letter of the Bible way but that was the last time I dealt with some sense of normalcy.
Why the hypocrisy?
Is it because being with the wrong man left you spitting misdirected venom at the little girl who looked like him? Maybe that's why you can't seem to understand the idea of a man actually loving me beyond my cookie. Maybe that's why you had to drink the way you breathe the night you met my intended.
Greedily without caring about the level of comfortability I may need, you were wrong.
You've been so wrong.
So wrong that you trigger me.
You make it harder to push myself.
You have been my travel sized quicksand, dragging me down with each passing year.
Nothing about you says strong.
I clearly didn't get it from you.
You were eager like I used to be. 16 was the time of overindulging and man did I! I was addicted to having someone on my arm.
You were the first person I wanted to make a forever with. You gave me hope that we could grow into our roles as soulmates. I actually called you my soulmate, well not to your face. I had just met you in computer class and we couldn't legally go on a field trip without permission let alone try to forge a union.
Give me commands. Clear guidelines. An itemized list of your needs.
You were exactly what I asked for. A carbon copy straight out of my mind. I should have been more careful.
When I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean we go together now. It doesn't mean I want your children. It doesn't mean I need to meet your family. I love you means I love who you are as a person. I have surpassed like and landed on love.
If you could, please disregard the previous letter left on your pillow. That has too much hubris dripping. Too much anger. Too many other emotions that negatively influenced the creation of that notice.
This is your eviction notice. Your placeholder, an unattainable musician, is helping me move your memories. Not sure where they'll go but at this point, I don't want to know.
I'm sick of the men in their feelings and not knowing how harmful and/or annoying they are with them.
You could be a better man, slay dragons, discover the greatest side of yourself. I could put you on the path of soul repair. I'm the kind of woman who makes real power players. I could be your Claire, Mr. Underwood.