Finding a balance between too much and too little has always been a task for me. But how do I successfully locate it when my map is showing me suggested roads that often lead me to make complex loops that take me back to where I was before? One road says if I should go explore and spend less time with just one person, I won’t feel so clingy. How do I explain that exploring without the person you’re in love with isn't appealing to me?
Even when I choose that road, I take detours where I’m watching the sunset while I talk to my distant lover. Lying underneath the setting sky I’m left wondering wasn't I supposed to not call so much?
Eventually I end up back at the start with the same confused disposition.
This journey is so unfamiliar and sometimes that gets frustrating.
This is not for the faint of heart, for the weak, for the easily manipulated, or for the unreasonably sensitive. We are not those people.
Finding a balance is important in life and in love. We have to find our equilibrium, our homeostasis, our sweet spot, our holy grail. It takes people lifetimes to find theirs. Some don’t even find it. I have faith in us.
Am I upset that we aren't there yet? No. So we’re stumbling in the dark, feeling around for our place. So the suggested roads sometimes lead us to dead ends, forks, and more loops. So what? That’s what growing love is. Nothing worth it is ever supposed to come that easy.
You were eager like I used to be. 16 was the time of overindulging and man did I! I was addicted to having someone on my arm.
You were the first person I wanted to make a forever with. You gave me hope that we could grow into our roles as soulmates. I actually called you my soulmate, well not to your face. I had just met you in computer class and we couldn't legally go on a field trip without permission let alone try to forge a union.
Give me commands. Clear guidelines. An itemized list of your needs.
You were exactly what I asked for. A carbon copy straight out of my mind. I should have been more careful.
When I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean we go together now. It doesn't mean I want your children. It doesn't mean I need to meet your family. I love you means I love who you are as a person. I have surpassed like and landed on love.
If you could, please disregard the previous letter left on your pillow. That has too much hubris dripping. Too much anger. Too many other emotions that negatively influenced the creation of that notice.
This is your eviction notice. Your placeholder, an unattainable musician, is helping me move your memories. Not sure where they'll go but at this point, I don't want to know.
I'm sick of the men in their feelings and not knowing how harmful and/or annoying they are with them.
You could be a better man, slay dragons, discover the greatest side of yourself. I could put you on the path of soul repair. I'm the kind of woman who makes real power players. I could be your Claire, Mr. Underwood.