My past showed up in a dream the other night. He didn't look the way I remembered him. I can't really tell you how he looked but my dream self knew it was him. Maybe it was his energy. Or maybe it was the fact that my family was yelling at me to stay away from him. Maybe my brother happened to be my conscious that night. He asked all the catching up with you questions. I remember my old neighborhood. I remember the uneasy feeling that accompanies walking around with someone I shouldn't have been. And I remember watching his face drop when I told him to go live his life away from me. Even in my dream he hoped for something that wasn't going to work.
I held out a torch for him for years.
And I let it go out when I fell in love with the man I will marry.
I'm not sure what it means,
but I'm happy that I had the strength to walk away from him while I was unconscious.
It solidifies the end of an era for the both of us. Maybe I had the dream because he's finally moved on.
I hope he has.
You were eager like I used to be. 16 was the time of overindulging and man did I! I was addicted to having someone on my arm.
You were the first person I wanted to make a forever with. You gave me hope that we could grow into our roles as soulmates. I actually called you my soulmate, well not to your face. I had just met you in computer class and we couldn't legally go on a field trip without permission let alone try to forge a union.
Give me commands. Clear guidelines. An itemized list of your needs.
You were exactly what I asked for. A carbon copy straight out of my mind. I should have been more careful.
When I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean we go together now. It doesn't mean I want your children. It doesn't mean I need to meet your family. I love you means I love who you are as a person. I have surpassed like and landed on love.
If you could, please disregard the previous letter left on your pillow. That has too much hubris dripping. Too much anger. Too many other emotions that negatively influenced the creation of that notice.
This is your eviction notice. Your placeholder, an unattainable musician, is helping me move your memories. Not sure where they'll go but at this point, I don't want to know.
I'm sick of the men in their feelings and not knowing how harmful and/or annoying they are with them.
You could be a better man, slay dragons, discover the greatest side of yourself. I could put you on the path of soul repair. I'm the kind of woman who makes real power players. I could be your Claire, Mr. Underwood.