Today I've learned I can't always make people better.
Normally I try to fix people. I let them vent all their frustrations and find a way to start their process of empowerment. Only I don't get paid to do this like a therapist would. I just end up sitting outside on a Saturday night convincing you of your worth when I had intentions of sweating in a nightclub.
I'm helping right?
But now I don't want to have that control. I want to let that go.
I feel like I've unlocked a new layer of life. The feeling of wanting to fix people's decisions is starting to wane. I can't do anything about what people decide to do other than try to influence it. After that, it's on them. I'm also starting to understand why people make the decisions they do. So often it has nothing to do with me and their solution probably won't include me.
Recently I was dumped and it sucks. I've already written a last note to him here. And I know it might seem petty but it's really not. I can't do anything about his decision. I hoped that we wouldn't have ended at all but that's not how it worked out. It's just the closing of a chapter.
Having that release does give me a sense of peace though. The control is gone and for once, I'm ok with that. Maybe I'll feel differently later.
I've learned that I am whoever someone wants me to be.
I've learned that this shit is real.
I've learned that I need to level up, romantically.
I've learned that I need to level my career up.
I’ve learned that I naturally go into “fix it” mode.
Today I've learned that I don't know what I'm doing.
Today I’ve learned how much birth control and kids matter to my family.
Today I've learned I'm not antisocial but still an introvert.
Today I've learned how uncomfortable I am when I'm happy.
I’ve learned that my body tries to protect me even when the rest of me doesn’t.