Today I’ve learned how much birth control and kids matter to my family.
I come from a family of sexually aware people. They know what they like sexually, how to get it and how often they need it. I also come from a family of young parents. Generation after generation of sexually active youngins has resulted in having kids before 30 and anticipating that kind of life for every child. My mom didn't want to continue the tradition so she heavily persuaded me to get on birth control before moving to New York for school.
I couldn't grasp the growing fear my mom carried, the generational curse she was trying to stop. I was too busy being angry over the lack of autonomy. Birth control wasn't on my mind because I just became sexually active around that time. Looking back, I should have been considering it since I wasn't making the best contraceptive decisions with my partner.
But the point was to give me time to enjoy my adulthood before I became a mother. Even though the chosen birth control didn't work well for me (the side effects were too severe), I stayed diligent about not getting pregnant. I wanted to be better than my predecessors.
Now I'm heading into my mid-20s, on a better birth control and surrounded by babies. I'm an aunt to 3 kids and people want me to know exactly when I'll pop out some babies. I'm not ready. More importantly I don't want to be ready yet. I have so much life to live without having the responsibility of raising a good human being.
All I know is I'm trying to make the best decision for me. It's the best I can do.