Something good is on it's way but I'm worried. I know the power of what-if and how it can negatively effect my spirit. Job interviews are happening but I want....but I'm not sure how to get what I want. Marketing/Public Relations/Communications is the industry I want to be in. Nonprofits/think tanks/government agencies are who I want to work for. And I'm getting closer. The connections I'm making are helping but I'm so scared. If I open up to this new world, who will embrace me? What is awaiting me on the other side of the door?
And this isn't just a professional fear. I have a desire to write about something I've kept private for a while but I'm afraid of what others will think. What if my family finds what I write? What if an employer is put off by my words? How do I explain this to inquiring minds? Am I strong enough to handle what comes next?
There's no point in keeping this blog or writing at all if my fear wins. I feel myself at the cusp of a new chapter and I have no idea what's coming. Once this is over and I've started living in this new skin, I'll be thrilled. I'll be singling from the rooftops and praising the most high.
I feel the ground shaking and I don't want to run. I'm here, arms open yet still apprehensive. Youth is riddled with uncertainty. But the only way to move forward is to move.
I've learned that I am whoever someone wants me to be.
I've learned that this shit is real.
I've learned that I need to level up, romantically.
I've learned that I need to level my career up.
I’ve learned that I naturally go into “fix it” mode.
Today I've learned that I don't know what I'm doing.
Today I’ve learned how much birth control and kids matter to my family.
Today I've learned I'm not antisocial but still an introvert.
Today I've learned how uncomfortable I am when I'm happy.
I’ve learned that my body tries to protect me even when the rest of me doesn’t.