I'm worrying too much. I might be running myself into the ground. And it's taking a toll on everything around me. I know before any one you even starts with the "where the hell have you been" questions, let me say this.
It's not that I haven't been writing. It's that I've crumpled up almost every attempt at writing. "You suck" kept ringing in my head every time I picked up my pen. Yes, I write my blog posts with a pen and paper. I can't bring my tablet to work all the time and start chronicling my thoughts. It makes me look like I'm not being productive. Besides, I've already addressed where I've gone wrong but you can always email me your grievances.
Let's go through the list of things bugging me, shall we?
Finances or as I affectionately call them bills: Post college is kicking my ass. Rent, cell phone, student loans, food, transportation, credit cards, and anything else I might want to do. I have a budget. I just don't make enough money. However that may change soon (thank you job interview!)
Family: I always worry about them ever since I moved here. There's no more popping up to check on them. I have to Google Hangout or Skype them to see their aging faces. My niece is growing up without me and I'm afraid that I won't have a place in her life. Maybe one day I can make it back to them. Until then I guess I'll just have to have faith in their ability to live.
Relationship: Neglect is my main concern when it comes to my partner. Me being in an open relationship (don't worry, a post will be coming to explain) my time isn't solely for him. Sometimes I'm not home or around to see and help him. I feel so guilty when I wake up in the home of another. My next concern is feel inadequate. He has a person he spends time with too and sometimes he raves about their time together. It leaves me wondering
"Is she better than me?"
I'm trying to stand in the foundation of us and grow with him.
Career: At 23, I keep hearing this terrifying chant in my head.
"You aren't where you need to be."
Which typically I agree with but now I'm getting freaked out about this. I've been trying to revamp this log, my social media presence and find a job in my preferred field. It's EXHAUSTING! I know it's going to take time to get everything in order, but dammit I want it now. Unfortunately it's not coming now.
The Future: I mean, how will I handle it all?! I want so many things and I'm not so sure how it can be done. What happens when I get married and have kids? When will I travel to different countries? How will I find the time to sleep?! No clue. And I can't figure that out any time soon.
I can't and shouldn't keep driving myself nuts. With this being holiday season, let me take the time to de-stress. Who's with me?