No, not like Omari Hardwick on Power.
No, not like Casper. Although I am friendly.
No, not like I'm afraid of people. I'm not that introverted.
If I get too busy, overwhelmed or procrastinate too hard, you will not see me for weeks. I retreat and regroup. I go ghost. And I used to love that shit. I would smile to myself when I met new people and they wouldn't know how long I was on campus. It's like I was playing a game no one knew they were playing. It's because they didn't.
It's no fun when you have no one to call because no one knows you. It sucks because I like to go places that almost require you to have a friend. Who wants to play laser tag with a ghost?
So now I'm on the hunt for ways I can trick myself into being more outgoing because I've realized something about floating around this world without a trace. The worst part is that my consistency is lost. Once that's gone, so is my credibility. No one can trust that I'll be there when I've routinely shown how easily I can leave at the drop of a hat. When I think of it that way, it makes me want to be better.
I've also realized that it applies to everything in my life. Not just cultivating friendships but with finding a better job, keeping up with this blog, gym routines and overall self care. They all fall by the wayside when I disappear. I'm fucking around and missing my blessing being gone. So I say all of that to say, don't be like me. Not right now. Because right now, I still have trash behavior.